This just in!
I almost missed it.
I need to get better at
planning things out.
But such is the life
of a working student.
I loved you once.
You may not remember,
or you may not believe me,
or maybe you chose to forget,
to block out the memories
like nightmarish dreams,
there was a time when
your smile made me smile,
when your joy was mine,
when your voice
uplifted my soul.
But then something changed.
Something inside my heart
grew cold, like ice,
and shadows crept into
my mind, and then
I pushed you away.
I pushed you away and
cursed your existence
and shattered your
warm, loving heart.
I blamed you for my
I blamed you for my
You were the one who
drove me to
you made me
I was a fool
to believe this
I was a fool,
and am a fool now,
because now I realize that
you weren’t that one;
I was that one.
You were the one
who did not judge,
who did not scorn,
who did not hate.
You never hated
anything about me…
but I did.
I hated the fact that
you loved me so much.
I hated the fact that
you gave me your heart,
and that I was not able
to give you mine…
I tried though.
I tried to give you
I tried to give you
but I failed…
It wasn’t always like that, though.
The hatred wasn’t always there.
There was some light
in my darkness.
There was some joy
in my despar.
There were times when I
would lose myself staring
into the depths of your
There were times when I
would just hold your hand,
and let your warmth
seep into mine…
and I will never forget
or forgive myself
for crushing your heart
and running away,
for closing my heart
and running away.
I’m sorry, my love
for running away.
I am sorry
As this semester of school is winding down, I’ve found myself reevaluating what I thought I wanted to do with my life. For the last year, my mind has been focused on becoming a college professor, because I want to inspire people the way my professors have inspired me. I want to help people see things in new ways and pull apart issues and look deeper than just the surface, and I thought “what better place than a college classroom is there to do that? After all, that’s where I was inspired! Why not follow in the steps of my teachers?”
I honestly thought I wanted to be a professor. In fact, my dream job was to become a college professor and write professionally on the side. So many people told me that it was a perfect fit for me, and I was really fired up about going to school. But this semester has been a royal punch in the face. My workload is insane (as of right now, I have to start writing a 7-page rough draft, revise another paper, study for a Spanish final, read a chapter in my Sociolinguistics book, do my grammar homework, and read 50+ pages in a novel by Friday – on top of working 26 hours at my job!), and my professors (while helpful) have been consistently late in returning graded work (which is infuriating!). And even though I have enjoyed (most of) my classes, I’ve realized that the academic world is not where I want to be. Yes, I have learned a lot, and yes, I love to learn – but I don’t want to be in school forever! And being a college professor would mean exactly that. I would be swamped with papers to grade, books to read, people to talk to, chaos to control, and I would find myself stretched so thin that, by the end of the day, I wouldn’t have time for me. I wouldn’t have time to do the things that I truly want to do. And I know this will happen, because that’s exactly what’s happening now!
And then it hit me – I never wanted to be a college professor. I only thought I did because I saw the greatness of joy that comes from being the one to inspire people. I saw the passion my professors had and how they had the power to change the lives of their students, and I thought that the best way for me to inspire others was to copy the ones who inspired me. But that was my mistake. By trying to follow in the footsteps of those who came before me, I was denying myself the chance to carve out my own path and be the man God wants me to be. And the moment that clicked in my head, suddenly everything made sense.
I have not been called to teach a room full of college students.
I have been called to write.
I firmly believe with all of my heart that writing is my strongest God-given gift, but I didn’t realize that until these last few weeks. I’ve always loved to write – anyone who has been around me or read my work knows this – and I’ve always maintained the position that, whatever career path I choose, I must have the time and energy to write. It is my deepest passion. When I write, I feel at peace. When I don’t, I feel out of sync with myself. It’s as if I’m denying a part of myself to live, thus keeping the rest of myself from enjoying life to its fullest. Honestly, I think that’s part of the reason why this semester has been so stressful for me – I just haven’t had the time/energy to sit down and write! And that has been slowly eating away at me. It bothers me to no end when I want to write but can’t, and that is why I know I cannot be in a profession that demands so much time and energy that I can’t even properly express myself through words.
But self-expression is not the only reason I love to write.
I love to write because my words actually inspire people.
Earlier this year, someone I had just met (and who is now a dear friend) said to me, “your words mean something. Never forget that.” I thanked her, of course, but I didn’t really understand the power behind her words until just a few days ago. It’s one thing for someone to say “Oh! You’re such a great writer!” But it’s another thing entirely to be told that what you write, that what you feel in your heart and let pour onto page actually means something to someone… I could barely wrap my head around it! But when I finally did realize this, I understood that I don’t have to be in a classroom to inspire people. I don’t have to sit though hours of lectures and schoolwork.
All I have to do is open my heart and write.
So, does this mean I’m going to pursue a full-time writing career? Not exactly. I still have student loans that I’m sure the government will want paid in full shortly after I graduate, and I know that one cannot become a great writer/novelist overnight (though I do plan on becoming a published author). Until that time, though, I need a steady job that will generate enough income for me to stand on my own two feet and become financially stable before I dare to try my luck as a fledgling author. I’ve already got a few things in mind, and I’ve been talking with people to see what my options are, but no matter what I know one thing for certain.
I am a writer. First and foremost. Whatever happens, I will continue to write, and I will continue to write because my words mean something to people, because they mean something to me. I believe the Lord has placed this on my heart for a reason, and I will strive to the best of my ability to fulfill this calling.
And now I feel compelled to ask the you this:
What have you been called to do? Are you heading down the right path, or have you realized that what you’re doing isn’t what you’ve been called to do? We all have our gifts, and we have all been called to serve and live our lives in different ways. I realize, though, that you probably have a life that demands attention and resists change. I have been lucky enough to realize my calling early on in my life. But it is never too late to answer your calling, no matter your age or circumstance.
Whether you see it or not, God has blessed you with a gift; if you let Him, He can help it to bloom and grow, and I promise you that you will be blessed beyond measure. All you have to do is have faith in Him and know that, through Him, you are capable of anything.
It’s been a few weeks since my last update, so I thought I’d pop in and let you know that things are going smashingly well at my internship, and I am dreading the day I have to leave (next Friday is my last day). :(
But we won’t think about that! Instead, I’ll let you read a blog post I wrote up for the company blog. The post can be found here, but I’ll spare you the trouble of clicking the link and just post it here as well.
Hello again! Just thought I’d give you all another update as to what I’ve been up to with my internship. It’s been fairly busy this past week, though mostly I’ve just been doing transcriptions (which I wrote about last time), so I shan’t bore you with the mundane details of that process. I will, however, share a couple of exciting things, because this past week has been awesome.
Earlier today I was looking for a good inspirational quote to post on this site’s Facebook page, and inspiration struck me to search for a quote by a particular person.
I instantly found this one:
“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed.” – Vincent Van Gogh
I discovered something about myself the other day while working away on a project at my internship.
I really need to learn how to type.
“What?!” you may be asking yourself. “Timothy, a blogger, doesn’t know how to type? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!?!!?” And I must answer honestly and confess that I do not, in fact, know how to type.
Happy June, everyone!
I know it’s been a short while since I’ve last been on here, and I do apologize for that. I’m simply relishing my summer by lounging about and watching time slip by. :P
But to kick off my series of posts for June, I’m finally following through on some awards I have been nominated for (and if I have overlooked anyone who has nominated me for one of these or any other award, I apologize).
I just wanted to take a moment to type up a few words about a very dear friend of mine. She is a blogger, like all of you – and I daresay she’s one of the finest – but life knocked her down and kicked her hard, thus she has been absent from the blogosphere for the last few months.
I say “has been,” though, because she is now back.
How could you do this to me?
How could you just
throw me aside like trash,
*deep breath of joy/exhale of triumph*
Today is a good day. ^_^
Well, technically it’s nighttime here, and I have no idea what time it is where ever it is that YOU are reading this, but it’s a good day nonetheless.
Why, you ask?
Because I am officially caught up in my schoolwork! AND IT’S LESS THAN A MONTH UNTIL GRADUATION!!!!!!!
Today was the first day of the end of my days at my community college.
I couldn’t be more ecstatic!
Once again, I have been nominated for a blogging award, and it is with deep gratitude that I graciously accept the 7×7 Award, as given to me by Aliza from Aliza’s Window. It truly is an honor, Aliza, that you would consider me worthy, and you have my most sincere thanks. :) And congratulations yourself on earning the award! ^_^
Hello, all! I know things have been a little bit quiet on this side of the blogosphere (you can thank accursed algebra for that), but I am back, and I am dying to jump back into my writing. It’s been horrible these last few days not being able to communicate with you all, and I appreciate your patience. :)
With that said, I’d like to thank Dolly from allaboutlemon for the topic of this post:
The Kreativ Blogger Award!!!
Hello, friends! As you can see, I’ve done a bit of redecorating here, and I’d like to know what you think! I tried to retain the old look, while still making it new (and blue!), and I wanted to add my own personal touch to it (hence the custom header, which is my own handwriting). ;P
So what do you think? Personally I love it, but I’d still like to hear your thoughts, for I know change is not well received (most of the time). Haha!
Awaiting your feedback,
I just finished reading one of the most incredible short stories I have ever laid eyes upon, and I must now share such greatness with you.
This wonderful story was written by one of my closest and dearest friends, Bethany, who resides here. She doesn’t know I’m doing this yet, but she will as soon as she gets the ping confirmation from my linking to her site. With that said, I beseech you all to go read her story, leave your thoughts, and let her know ’twas I who sent you. She’ll get a kick out of it. ;P
Long ago, I swore I would never make the jump to e-readers or any other form of electronic reading devices. After all, books are superior, right? The feel of a page between your fingers as you flip from chapter to chapter, the musty smell that wafts up as your curled up in your bed, reading your favourite novel, and the satisfaction of actually seeing the progress you’re making as your bookmark creeps closer and closer to the end of the book. Nothing can beat that, right?
For those of you who don’t know, I started this blog as a way to share my movie reviews. Of course, it has turned into something much more than just reviews, but movies are still one of my first passions. There is nothing quite like going to the theater, sitting in a giant dark room, looking at a screen that covers an entire wall, and hearing it blasted around in you beautifully crisp surround sound.
Earlier today I was tweaking my blog, when WordPress informed me that the domain ”thecreativejuicer.com” was finally up for grabs – which I thought it was really cool, because I was just thinking about checking to see if it was available – so I grabbed it! I don’t know who had it before, but it’s mine now. :)
With that said, as of today, you can just type “thecreativejuicer.com” and it’ll take you right to the homepage! No need to put “wordpress” in the URL anymore (but you wouldn’t have to anyway if you subscribed *nudge-nudge*). You still can if you so choose, but it’ll just redirect you here, so there’s really no point.
And that’s pretty much the point of this post. I just wanted to inform you of the domain acquisition, and to thank you all for your support. I’ve certainly grown as a writer, and it has been my pleasure letting you all read my writing. It’s a humbling experience, letting the world read your thoughts, but it’s exhilarating at the same time. I love sharing with you all, and I hope that this literary relationship of reading and writing will continue for a very long time.
With all the new stuff I’ve been posting, I’ve decided to create a brand new category in which I can organize my posts!
Introducing (drum-roll, please!)
Poetics and Prose!!!
Hopefully this will make it easier for you to navigate the site, thus making it easier for you to read my posts!
Anywho, I just wanted to point it out, and now I will leave you to get back to whatever it is that you do.
And have a happy Hump-day (for those of you who read this Wednesday; for now, happy Tuesday).