Regret

I loved you once.

You may not remember,

or you may not believe me,

or maybe you chose to forget,

to block out the memories

like nightmarish dreams,

but…

there was a time when

your smile made me smile,

when your joy was mine,

when your voice

uplifted my soul.

But then something changed.

Something inside my heart

grew cold, like ice,

and shadows crept into

my mind, and then

I pushed you away.

I pushed you away and

cursed your existence

and shattered your

warm, loving heart.

I blamed you for my

darkness,

I blamed you for my

guilt.

You were the one who

drove me to

madness,

you made me

push you

away.

I was a fool

to believe this

deception.

I was a fool,

and am a fool now,

because now I realize that

you weren’t that one;

I was that one.

You were the one

who did not judge,

who did not scorn,

who did not hate.

You never hated

anything about me…

but I did.

I hated

everything

about

me.

I hated the fact that

you loved me so much.

I hated the fact that

you gave me your heart,

and that I was not able

to give you mine…

I tried though.

I tried to give you

my heart,

my love,

I tried to give you

my all,

my love…

but I failed…

It wasn’t always like that, though.

The hatred wasn’t always there.

There was some light

in my darkness.

There was some joy

in my despar.

There were times when I

would lose myself staring

into the depths of your

beautiful eyes.

There were times when I

would just hold your hand,

and let your warmth

seep into mine…

and I will never forget

or forgive myself

for crushing your heart

and running away,

for closing my heart

and running away.

I’m sorry, my love

for running away.

 

I am sorry

I ran

away.

April 4, 2013 | Categories: Poetics and Prose, Random Posts | Tags: confession, learning, NaPoWriMo, Poem, Poetry, regret, relationships, sadness, the heart | 5 Comments »