In the Blink of an Eye
She watched him with
curiosity,
wondering when he would
muster the courage
to stand up and say
hello.
Just one little word,
was all she needed;
five letters, a simple –
“Hello.”
Startled, she
took a step back
and froze.
Was this really happening?
Was her waiting
finally over?
Before she could think,
before she could speak,
he was saying his name
and asking for hers.
What should she say?
What could she say?
Her voice had
already gone.
So all that escaped
her dry parchéd mouth,
was a raspy and
ugly old
“Hi.”
But of course that was not,
her actually name,
and her face flushed
furiously red.
She wanted no more
than to run out right then;
she wanted no more
than to die.
But die she did not,
and her voice did return,
and she managed to
tell him her name.
And from that moment on
they were never the same,
for everything had
changed.
Regret
I loved you once.
You may not remember,
or you may not believe me,
or maybe you chose to forget,
to block out the memories
like nightmarish dreams,
but…
there was a time when
your smile made me smile,
when your joy was mine,
when your voice
uplifted my soul.
But then something changed.
Something inside my heart
grew cold, like ice,
and shadows crept into
my mind, and then
I pushed you away.
I pushed you away and
cursed your existence
and shattered your
warm, loving heart.
I blamed you for my
darkness,
I blamed you for my
guilt.
You were the one who
drove me to
madness,
you made me
push you
away.
I was a fool
to believe this
deception.
I was a fool,
and am a fool now,
because now I realize that
you weren’t that one;
I was that one.
You were the one
who did not judge,
who did not scorn,
who did not hate.
You never hated
anything about me…
but I did.
I hated
everything
about
me.
I hated the fact that
you loved me so much.
I hated the fact that
you gave me your heart,
and that I was not able
to give you mine…
I tried though.
I tried to give you
my heart,
my love,
I tried to give you
my all,
my love…
but I failed…
It wasn’t always like that, though.
The hatred wasn’t always there.
There was some light
in my darkness.
There was some joy
in my despar.
There were times when I
would lose myself staring
into the depths of your
beautiful eyes.
There were times when I
would just hold your hand,
and let your warmth
seep into mine…
and I will never forget
or forgive myself
for crushing your heart
and running away,
for closing my heart
and running away.
I’m sorry, my love
for running away.
I am sorry
I ran
away.
Once More
Once more, I fear,
my heart has been snared
in the grips and the pain
of this love – this love
that should not be spoken.
My heart, it weeps,
for now it is broken.
Torn are my feelings
of want and despair;
whispers of should-nots,
longings to dare;
lingering feelings
that litter my heart
of a love that was pure
but is now torn apart.
To keep it a secret,
to deny life to live –
they are one and the same,
for this is not a game –
this love, my love,
that is only for you.
Let come whate’er may;
I will wait here for you.
When Will I Find You?
I long to be wrapped
in the warmth of your arms,
to feel your touch
against mine.
I long for our hearts
to flutter as one,
for our souls to be
e’er intertwined.
I long for your presense
to be next to me,
to hear you breathe
as you dream.
I long to see you
smile and sigh.
I long for my mind
to be free.
I long for your heart
for your mind, for your soul.
I long, my Love, for you.
When will I find you,
when will you come?
I long to say,
“I love you.”
When will I find you,
Love?
Mistake Not My Love
Mistake not my love for thee,
dearest of friends,
a love all encompassing
that shall last till the end,
when all the World fails
and Time destroys men –
but never, dear friend,
will this love begin
to wane or fade or trickle away.
This love is a bond,
and forever I’ll say:
Mistake not my love for thee,
dearest of friends,
and know that I’ll be here
until this life ends.
Dear, Love…
Dear whoever you may be,
I am waiting here,
for you to come and hold my heart
and banish all my fear.
I’ve been waiting every day
for you, my only one,
but with each day my heart grows faint -
my Love, when will you come?
If only you could know how much
my heart does yearn for you.
To look into your eyes, your soul,
and know, my Love, just you.
Dear whoever you may be,
I’m still waiting here.
But please don’t keep me waiting long -
my Love, I need you here.
The Girl and the Sea
“Don’t you trust me?”
The moment when I first heard these words, the anxiety in my gut twisted into knots and my throat became dry. The question was innocent enough, and it simply required a simple answer, but simple is simply subjective.
Her blue eyes shimmered in the starlight, watching me with slight amusement as I wrung my hands, trying to knead out my thoughts like dough. I don’t think she realized it, but her loving smile only distracted me further… no, now that I think about it, she probably knew it would.
She was always trying to make me try new things. I don’t know if it was my sheltered upbringing or my undaring disposition, but she knew I feared change and new things and all they entail. There’s always a risk of failure, always the chance of getting hurt.
I had been hurt too many times before to count.
But… she still had faith in me, my sweet, blue-eyed girl. I was the luckiest man in the world when I found her. Oh, who am I kidding? She’s the one who found me.
“Darling…” she spoke softly, resting her hand on my shoulder as I stared out across the star-riddled horizon, her fingers warm against my bare skin.
I turned and gazed into her eyes, her breathtaking eyes, and smiled as the crisp breeze of the night blew her long, auburn hair into her face. She tried to brush it away, the strands getting caught in her eyes and mouth, but the wind kicked up again, sending her hair into a wild tantrum.
Laughing, I curled her frazzled locks behind her ears.
She placed her hands on mine. Her smile faded and her eyes filled with concern at my silence.
Leaning forward, I kissed her forehead, my lips lingering against her flesh. She rested her head on my shoulders, and we wrapped our arms around each other. And for a moment, just a single moment in time, all was silent. Everything was still.
There was no wind.
There were no birds.
There was no rolling ocean.
She and I were all that existed, in the silence on top of that cliff. And in that moment of silence, as my heart beat next to hers, I found the strength I had lost.
My hands curled around hers, our fingers laced together, and I kissed her on the lips.
“Of course I trust you.”
Beaming through tears, she kissed me twice, and then turned to face the sea.
“Don’t let go of my hand,” she said to me.
And then, together, we jumped.
This Heart
Once I was lost
in an ocean of fear,
sinking with grief and despair;
I tried to climb out,
I tried to find rest,
but solace eluded my heart.
Languid Love
What love, my Love,
is this that possesses
my heart, this heart,
that swore ne’er to
love thee again?
How Could You?
How could you do this to me?
How could you just
throw me aside like trash,
filthy garbage,
stale leftovers?
Let Me In
Why won’t you let me in?
Why are you shouldering
this life all alone?
Do you not see
that I love you?
Do you not see
that I want to be
there for you?
What if I Told You?
What if I told you
that your dimpled smile
is the prettiest that
I’ve ever seen?
That it glows like the sun,
a brilliant grin,
and melts my buttery heart?
Somewhere We Stumbled
Drowning, my heart is
flooded with tears
as memories come of
all those great years
we spent with each other,
together, a team
that could conquer it all –
but not all, it seems.
Do You Remember?
I miss you.
I miss the times we used to sit
huddled together, side-by-side,
imagining
all the things that we would do,
all the places we would go;
we promised ourselves,
you and I.
Do you remember?
I miss you.
Finding the Right Shoe
Here lately, there has been a lot of change in my life (those of you who read my stuff know what I’m talking about), and I’ve come to a simple realization.
You can’t make the wrong shoe fit.
It doesn’t matter how much you like it, how much you want it, or how much you’re willing to sacrifice for it – if it doesn’t fit, it’s not the right one.
Stumbling in the Dark
I wrote this a while back, and I’ve been debating on whether or not to post it here or not.
But now I simply don’t care.
A friend of mine (whose blog is here) recently posted a quote that really got me thinking:
“Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge is yourself.” ~ Sarah Dessen
That is so true, but I’ve come to realize that I don’t want to hold everything in. The whole point of this blog is to serve as an outlet and share what I’ve written, regardless of how I think people will take it, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.
With that said, here is my poem:
